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You Can’t Always Get What You Want

What if the Rolling Stones were right?

Have you ever wanted something so intensely and dreamed of it to the point of not seeing how lucky you already were? While you’re thinking about it, here’s a great example.

My father was an entrepreneur, a lumber merchant.

Grandfather playing with grandson

My father with his grandson

He was born on November 26, 1918 – I know, it’s been a while! It was a time when men dreamed of having a son to perpetuate their family name, their company…

My father was no different, he dreamed of having a son so that one day he could take over the family company: Bois Péladeau.

One day, my mother was visiting her doctor.  She was gaining weight, and it seemed that her hormones were playing tricks on her.  There were no little ‘blue-line tests’ at the time, so she went to the doctor who saw her right away and told her she was ‘pregnant’!

Everyone was very excited and my father worked twice as hard at the office, ecstatic about the possibility of finally having a son. He bought a new house, big enough for the growing family.

Months passed and eventually my mother went back to the doctor for a second pre-natal appointment. He told her the most shocking thing possible: she was not actually pregnant. He had made a mistake – instead she had a fibroid, dangerously big, and he had to operate immediately! He also told her that she would never be able to have any more children. All this in a cold and arrogant tone, devoid of empathy.

My mother was devastated. My father, furious.

My father had to grieve while also worrying about his wife (my mother’s) health, with the added stressor of having purchased a new house. It was inconceivable to him that a doctor would make such a mistake. He found the doctor to be carefree and inhumane.  My father had never met him, but he said that if he ever did…

Well, life is full of surprises! One day, my parents were invited to a cocktail party at a friend’s house. You already know the routine – have a bite to eat, shake people’s hands, introduce yourselves and chat. Strangely enough, the infamous doctor was there and introduced himself to my father, mentioning his title long before his name. Needless to say, when Dad heard his name as he was shaking his hand, the poor doctor was afraid for his life when he looked up. My mother had to take my father out of the cocktail very quickly, because she too was scared for the doctor’s life!

Finally, my mother calmed my father down and they comforted themselves by thinking about how lucky they were to already have two beautiful, healthy daughters!

As always, life goes on. Mum organized a garage sale to help her through her grief, and she sold everything & anything that could remind her of the arrival of a baby.

Since life is full of twists and turns, weeks went by and eventually my mother learned that despite the fact that she had been told that she would never have another child, she was pregnant and that this beautiful baby (me  😊) was going to show up in the spring!

You could say my parents had me late in life. I was an accident – I like to think I was a ‘happy’ accident. It’s possible that my older sisters didn’t always feel the same way though!

Poor dad, like the Rolling Stones famously sang: “You can’t always get what you want – you get what you need”. Maybe my father didn’t need a boy, but three girls!

Family wedding photo

My wedding

Why am I telling you all this?

Maybe because with everything we’re going through right now, I realize that I too have everything I need.  I would like to do more business, travel, have my friends and family over, but maybe right now, I need to realize how lucky I am with what I already have.

However, a good part of my life, I was always looking forward to something in the future: studying in Boston (because it would be more exciting than Montreal – never happened), my second child (who never came), the big party on December 31 (which is often more boring than expected) …

I’ve heard so many people say, “I’m sooo looking forward to my vacation, so I can finally have fun!” “I can’t wait for my retirement to finally do what I want!”. It’s like we’re living in the future. It might be possible that this whole crisis is to teach us to be more connected, more conscious, to live in the present moment, because we never know what awaits us.

I am a dreamer and an idealist, often wanting more, but I realize that my happiest, most precious moments are not always accompanied by grand music and fireworks.

When I think of my happiest times, strangely enough… they happen to be in very simple moments.

The time my 4-year-old son brought me a gift first thing in the morning, For mother’s day, a beautiful plastic bracelet he had made at the daycare (which I still have).

Plastic beaded bracelet

My son’s bracelet

Every May 28th, when I’m celebrating my birthday surrounded by my childhood friends, good food, good music & great stories. That moment when I stop to observe each one of them, and I tell myself how much I love them & how lucky I am.

When I’m with my family, my sisters, my nephews, my husband, and my son and we’re playing Queen of Spades and my sister Carole is trying to score points and we’re all laughing!

When Friday night comes, it’s ‘pizza night’ and I sit on the sofa by the fire with my hubby to watch a good movie and drink our gin & tonics that he prepares with his treasured recipe & with lots of love. The moment when we’re all cozy & he plays with my hair like he always has!

When my son, 6 feet tall and eighteen years old, says to me, “Good night, I love you” in the evening before going to bed.

When I walk with my dog every morning and she turns to me as if to say, “Did you see how beautiful it is around us?”

Time goes by and you realize that what you wanted intensely, might not have been what you needed.

My father had always dreamed of a son but life turned out differently and instead gave him three daughters that he adored. Later, he ended up with 3 grandsons of whom he was so very proud… better late than never!

Grandfather with two grandsons in tuxedos

My father with his two grandsons

I believe the happiest times are not found in the future but in everyday life.  Every day, if you are conscious enough and you open your eyes wide enough, you can find little jewels!

So, it seems the Rolling Stones were right… “you can’t always get what you want but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need”. Thank you, Mick!

If you liked this article please share it – hopefully it could do a friend some good!

Please give it some love & comment below, I’d love to know what you think!

Stay Safe!

LiZ

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My Father’s “Why” – Integrity, business and fathers

Integrity: The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.

This is the story of a passionate man. Passionate about work, family and life. What drove this passion? His clear purpose to avenge his father and be a great dad.

This is the story of my father and the events that made him the man he was and me the person that I am.

Born in 1918, he would have been 100 years old this November.

My father was a protector. Probably because of what was once taken from his family. You see, he was very close with his own father, Henri, who tragically passed away when my father

was just 17.

Henri was an entrepreneur with integrity and passion. Peladeau Lumber was his business.

In the 1920’s, when hardly anyone was travelling abroad, Henri imported the latest technology – a machine to make his business run faster and better. He was very avant-garde, always staying one step ahead. Nothing could stop him. At a time when business was monopolized by the English, my French-Canadian grandfather stormed the gates of entrepreneurship in Quebec.

And he made his mark. He went to mass every night, had a golden tongue, lived with integrity and suffered one fatal flaw – that he believed everyone else was honorable, like him.

My grandmother tried to warn him with the wise words, “There are no friends in business.” Sadly, she was right.

My grandfather did business with two people he believed to be friends. People he believed lived with integrity, spoke the truth and were honorable. They were not. And he lost everything as a result.

Shortly after that devastating loss, he died of throat cancer.

My father suffered greatly from the loss of his father, a man he admired, respected and considered his “buddy”.

Henri was generous to a fault, happy to treat the neighborhood children to ice cream while his wife waited anxiously at home for the groceries he had been sent out to buy. In the eyes of my father, Henri was everything he wanted to be. A good person, a good father and a good businessman

When Henri died, many of his so-called “friends” disappeared. When my grandfather had been a rich and healthy man, the family was very popular. When he lost his company and was diagnosed with cancer, it was as if people thought his downfall was contagious. A whole community disappeared.

Sadly, cancer and poverty bring the best and the worst in people.

That experience became the foundation of my father’s character. He became very careful about who he associated with and never granted time to superficial people.

He once said to me, “The most beautiful inheritance is to receive nothing because it gives you the motivation to want to get back what you lost.”

The house in Outremont, the cottage on the waterfront in St-Eustache, the business, his name. My grandfather lost everything except for the love and admiration of his son.

My father started his revenge plan young and followed in his father’s entrepreneurial footsteps. He went to war and, during his stay in England, studied to be an accountant in order to understand figures and ensure nobody ever played him. Then he took a long distance course to learn everything about lumber (this was long before the internet!).

He started work at a leading lumber company, working his way up the ladder to become vice president. Working almost day and night, he ended up in the hospital after suffering a heart attack. When the doctors ordered him to rest, he decided it was the perfect time to open his own business. Against, of course, the advice of the doctor and my mother!

My father’s priority was to put his plan into action; to build his new company from scratch and reclaim his father’s honor. He made a name for himself in the lumber industry and his business thrived because it was built on solid values.

When he turned 86 years old, after living a good life and achieving his purpose, my father left to join his father. But his company continues after more than 60 years, thriving on the same values of commitment and, above all, integrity.

My father’s “why” was to build a company and a life that would have filled his father with pride, as much in family, as in business, as in life.

He wanted more than anything in the world to finish his father’s work of being a great dad and building a great business, both based on solid grounds.

100 years after his birth, the legacy lives on. His why, his purpose, is in Bois Peladeau and in my family’s household. His business partner is now 88 years old and still goes to work everyday because he enjoys what he built with my father so much and now continues to build the future with his son.

In my own business, I keep the legacy strong as well, surrounding myself with people like him and searching out only clients, partners, suppliers and friends with integrity and authenticity. My father was often described as the lion of the family, and I have even infused that into my business. Lions resonate with courage and integrity – the cornerstones of Lionzest. To live with integrity is my grandfather’s inheritance and it is the best inheritance!

Aside from always living with integrity, the greatest lesson my father and grandfather taught me is that a successful business starts with understanding your “why”. Your passion, your purpose is what drives you forward and empowers you to connect with your audience.

This is why, before each video (since the camera does not lie) I ask my clients to be fiercely authentic. That authenticity is what I find most attractive in business and in life, and it’s what resonates with your customers.

What is your “why”? Don’t worry if you’re not clear on it. That’s where I come in. Contact me today. Together, we’ll uncover your “why” and make you shine!

Thank you, Dad. Thank you, Grandfather. Happy Father’s Day, wherever you are!


 

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